Ajahn Sumedho realized that wanting to become enlightened was itself a form of desire, blocking true realization.
The episode begins with Ajahn Sumedho expressing gratitude for his 90th birthday celebration and noting his upcoming three-week trip to Portugal. He announces this as his last Dhamma talk until July, choosing to discuss the 'sound of silence' due to frequent questions about it. He explains that silence cannot be described with words and warns against grasping it as a concept, sharing an anecdote about a woman straining to hear it on a retreat. Ajahn Sumedho identifies the ego (sakya-ditti) as the main obstacle, where desires like wanting enlightenment or to get rid of defilements are forms of bhava-dhanas and vipa-dhanas. He recounts his early insights as a samanera into suffering and impermanence, using a koan about whether something permanent exists. He describes practicing letting go and noticing the 'sound of silence,' a continuous vibration that appears when relaxed. Ajahn Sumedho questions if it is a sound or impermanent, realizing it is ever-present but attention to it fluctuates. He discusses restlessness as a fetter that cannot be conquered by force, only through total letting go. He references Buddhist scriptures, finding a description of consciousness as without feature and radiant in the Nibbana Sutta. Ajahn Sumedho contrasts this permanent consciousness with impermanent phenomena like the body and senses, noting his aging process at 90. He emphasizes that true nature is pure conscious awareness, not personal identity or sankharas. The talk includes reflections on climate change, wars, and societal blame, linking them to conditioned thinking. Ajahn Sumedho encourages observing the ego and words rather than clinging to them, using meditation techniques as initial aids. He concludes by offering this realization as a reflection, supporting monastic life and lay efforts.
